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There are only three things that really, really infuriate me. I'm not a man prone to violence. In fact, I'm usually a very calm and peaceful guy. Sometimes, though, I just go into a blind rage and start shouting. I turn into a maniac. My blood boils. I'm not myself. I'm a monster. I mean, look, it's not like I'd hurt anyone, physically, but just trust me. I can get quite irate. It's blinding. And you don't want to be around me when it happens. The first thing that really gets me going is when people pick me up. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's because I'm small. You're thinking, here's a guy, he's hardly five feet, he must weigh about a hundred pounds, no wonder he hates being picked up. But no. That's not it. I'm small, but that's not it. I've always hated it. I hated it when I was a baby, even when I was a baby. I just don't like it, alright? That's that. Sit with it, or what have you. The second thing is when people laugh at me when I'm annoyed or or or already a little bit ticked off. Why would you do that? It happens all the time. It's unbelievable. I don't know what's so funny about me getting getting a little pissed off. I'm human! I get angry! I'm a human being. Take me seriously. If you're laughing at me and I'm and I'm angry than you're not taking me seriously. Not taking me seriously. That isn't that isn't that isn't respect! That's a sure fire way to send me into a fury and you don't want that. Neither do I. I am not a bad man. The third thing is something that gets a lot of people, I think. But it gets me a little worse. What it is, is when people tell me they're going to be somewhere and I count on them being there, I RELY ON THEM BEING THERE, and then they don't show up. What it really is, is when they don't call, either. That makes me just REALLY MAD. It's like I can't even take it. I can't breathe! It makes me so FUCK. THERE ARE THERE ARE THERE ARE CELLULAR TELEPHONES. YOU HAVE A PHONE WITH YO U ALL THE TIME. If you aren't going to SHOW then you must CALL I don't know how you can NOT do that.

Julie, the woman I love, she used to be the worst at that. The absolute worst. She was fifteen minutes late to our first date. I nearly blew my top. She didn't call or anything. It took her sister a week to calm me down and get me to see her again. I was glad I did it, though. Over time she learned how angry it made me, so she tried to work on it. And I I worked on what you might call containment. How to contain my anger. It worked out okay. There were less and less incidents as the months passed by. Eventually, she was always everywhere fifteen minutes early. Waiting for me. I loved that. That was really nice. Yeah, I really liked those days. That made me feel like I was in a movie. Really nice. Ah. The thing is, last week there was the worst incident there'd ever been. Clear out of the blue sky. Not an incident in almost seventeen months and then a big one. We'd known about this appointment for a long time -- almost a year -- and we'd agreed it was it was it was fairly important. To both of us. Not just to me, I thought. She just didn't show up. No call. I haven't been given any excuses. I was taken completely by surprise. This really got me angry. I will not lie. I was pissed. And it was in front of both of our families -- it was supposed to be our wedding, you see. So so so everybody was sitting there watching me get madder and madder and madder. And she didn't show up. She didn't come. That was embarrassing. I've I've I've worked a lot on this and I've tried to not get not get not get mad when I think about this Well, you know, I just started kicking this table. You know. Just like.... Kicking it and trying to work some things out. And you wouldn't believe it. EVERYBODY EVERYBODY EVEVERY they started LAUGHING. They were laughing! They said because it was AWKWARD. They felt awkward, they said. THEY felt awkward. Fucking Frankie. Fucking Frankie Frankie was already drunk of course. That's Julie's brother. Drunk fucking. You know what Frankie likes to do? He likes to pick me up. It's his it's his it's his favorite game. So I'm kicking the table and everybody is LAUGHING at me like I'm an ACT. Like I'm not a human. And Frankie Frankie picks me up. SO I GOT MAD. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW I WOULD GET MAD. So I just bit him. On the nose. It was NOT something that was that was that was premeditated. There was um. Blood got everywhere and Lucie, she fainted. You know it was NOT something I would do. I don't HURT people. Ever. I'm not like that. I'm not a monster. Everybody's mad at me, still. Everybody in both families. But Julie.

Julie isn't mad at me.

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