Criticism. Essay. Fiction. Science. Weather.
week:
1As the maps to our official past, monuments and memorials literally set our history in stone. 2Civil War Re-enactments and the Bradley Fighting Vehicles that Love Them. 3One whatever's perspective on
American/Iranian relations 4Tin soldiers and Nixon's coming - Or -
Delaware is the geographical center of Ohio 5This is not about Terri Schiavo.
We promise. 6Stick it to the Gideons. 7California increases its prison population six-fold and strikes a blow for the union man. 8It's not you; it's me... 9What's the Christian Coalition going to do with this one? 10Corporate nonprofit? Isn't that an oxymoron? Jed Emerson doesn't think so. And neither should you. 11You heard it here first:
Michael Jackson, not guilty! 12What's good for GM is good for GM. 13The Quaterly Review continues...
...with 2 Essays from the archives. 14What's that smell?
Saying no to the post-expiration date Nation-State. 15An antidote to the All-Star Break: Life before
the homerun call was on steroids. 16An antidote to the All Star Break: Life before
the homerun call was on steroids (cont.). 17Riding the city at night with a radio. 18Why shampoo really is the key to global economic development. 19Goat meat and digital watches: how to lay down the law without writing down the rules 20The control button is right down there. Next to the Z button. 21Clear Channels and
Herfindahl-Hirschman Indices 22Le Corbusier, meet Dr. Livingstone: using blank spots on the map to plan urban development. 23Sunk before it started raining: how the Army Corps of Engineers dammed Louisiana. 24The Carceral Continuum: I got my diploma from a school called Rikers, knowhatimsayin? 25Hey Betty and Veronica, let's find out
who wrote the Book of Love. 26The quarterly reviews go marching two by two, hurrah! hurrah! 27It's a mosque; it's a church; it's ... a museum! 28We're back for seconds, and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. 29The only thing standing between you and free Internet is the Titanic. 30Capitalism: the worst economic system,
except all the others. 31All the cool kids are doing it... 32In America you get food to eat; won't have to run through the jungle and scuff up your feet. 33Q-Tip never wanted Tommy Hilfiger
to be his friend. 34I am what I am not, even if it's only because
that's what people think I am. 35From Good ... to Great! 36Daylight makes these cities shrink. 37¡AGUANTALA! 38A chicken in every pot and
a deed to every garage. 39Celebrate the seasons with the Quarterly Review! 40The jig is up, Mr. Nobel. 41Will the circle be unbroken?
By and by, Lord, by and by. 42There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson. This man is obviously a psychotic. 43It's the Buddhists and the Communists
in a fight to the death. 44Yes, this Essay is about
Punky Brewster. 45This article isn't just about being a bad friend. 46Something has gone wrong with the bathmat. 47It's more of a suspended state of poverty. 48Politics has always been complicated, I guess. 49The Cuyahoga Daily Mirror, this ain't. 50If Air America couldn't do it
maybe Al Jazeera can. 51Bzz, Bzz. Who's there? A culture of transparency. 52RVs (but no propane) in the R.V. 53Adding ads ad nauseum. 54Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains: Peru's election goes to a runoff. 55The first kind is unpleasant and ill paid;
the second is pleasant and highly paid. 56Prison continues, on those who are entrusted to it, a work begun elsewhere... 57If versimilitude can be lost, then it must exist. But how can it exist in a world of irreconcilable inconsistencies? 58Certain young, beautiful, economically powerful women please take note. 59Bugs. On drugs. 60Progress. Genuine progress. 61Electricity and music. 62Garcia in; Chavez out. 63I thought globalization was
something we did to them. 64Twenty-three days, 189 bicyles.
Could there be anything better? 65The First Quarterly Review:
Taste it again for the first time. 66An undersized, ill-dribbling twenty-something
feeling jealous. 67Wal*Mart goes organic. Right. 68Stop us before we pollute again. 69Yes, they actually measure that. 70Even the Amish guys are cheating?
Not so fast... 71What Jeffrey Sachs would proclaim if he spent all day sitting on his tuchus. 72Blueberry or coconut infusion? That'll be extra. 73Point being: ride your bike. 74If it's still broke, don't fix it. 75If Judd and Sam can do it,
so can I. 76Grandma Kenya's new cell phone
package totally rules! 77Two bracelets and two necklaces?
That'll be $20 and your manhood. 78What Jeffrey Sachs would proclaim if he spent all day sitting on his tuchus. 79The elusive fall season... 80Kenneth Pollack gets no respect. 81900 is the new 300. 82That's affirmative. Or, at least, it ought to be. 83Where's the outrage? 84Saddam Husseing - not a good person. 85Headaches call for leeches on the temples. 86Less than nine months behind schedule
and OK by me. 87We may not know all the words,
but we know when it's done wrong. 88Nephrons. And Frank Ghery.
You make the call. 89All these activist legislatures are enough to make you miss Samuel Alito. 90See it again, for the 90th time. 91A Seventh Quarter Two-fer. 92The man they called Body Love. 93Five years old is far too old for a federal law. 94Being Very Professional 95Not a single loaf has left the building
for over a decade. 96An Absentee article. 97You're less than nothing.
You're dirt. 98Get down to the basics.
The basic basics. 99You can almost understand
why Britney shaved her head. 100April's coming.
Here's what's in store. 101The coolest thing ever. I think. 102Not only are we going to grow mangoes, but we'll sell them, too. 103Famous for being famous. Just like Paris Hilton, but less trashy. 104Fourth Quarterly Reviews bring spring
showers and 90ways anniversaries. 105There's a new bunny in town. Just in time for Easter.
106Dream small. 107If Hillside won, then I was Truckzilla. 108Disco boys on bicycles.
The Ultimate Sixth Man
Josh Shulruff
As a freshman in high school, I was cut from my junior varsity basketball team. I had come to preseason with naive varsity hopes, still seeing myself as an enormous eighth-grader who scored on post-ups and offensive rebounds instead of as an undersized high-schooler who couldn't dribble. I was very happy when I made the "JV-1" squad, and felt I played quite well when our coach (who, I feel obliged to mention, knew nothing about basketball and shaved his legs for amateur cycling purposes years before Lance Armstrong's yellow bracelets) played me. I blocked shots, rebounded well, and put in occasional points in limited minutes. Apparently, Coach Smoothgams didn't see it that way.
I found out I had been cut, not because he took me aside and told me, but when the JV-2 coach came up to me before practice and said, "You're with us today." Although it was truly a blessing in disguise (my new coach knew his stuff, played me every game, stressed fundamentals, and got us all in the best shape of our lives), I don't think I'll ever forget the humiliation of being cut without the courtesy of a conversation.
The next year brought a brand new coaching staff (which, I admit, left me feeling vindicated). Although it was clear by this point that I was done growing and would remain undersized and ill-dribbling, I managed to regain JV-1 status, maintain said status for the entire season, and even spent many practices with the varsity squad, trying to outmuscle our centers as they practiced their offensive moves in the post.
Junior year, I made the team.
I practiced with the varsity squad, and on game days would "swing" (i.e. suit up for the J.V. game as well as the following varsity match-up). In a preseason varsity tournament against other small, ethnically homogenous private schools with terrible basketball teams, I played a key part in a close win by taking a charge late in the fourth quarter. The next day, I sat on the bench for the entire game and watched my teammates win the tournament. I didn't play in a varsity game for the rest of the year, except when we played a squad from the local juvenile detention center's high school and Coach started me as an insult to several players who he felt had not given an adequate effort in the preceding game.
I hadn't expected to play much varsity ball (I was undersized and couldn't dribble, after all) but on nights when we were losing by 35 with three minutes in the fourth quarter, when the other team hadn't played its starters since the end of the first half, and while I was still wearing my warm-ups, I felt the humiliation of being cut all over again. At the end of the season, in a mix of righteous indignation and recognition that I'd gone as far as my limited skills would allow, I decided that, in lieu of playing sports senior year, I would focus that energy and those hours on theatre.
For me, the real story of last Tuesday's deciding NBA finals game wasn't Dwyane Wade (although his speed off the dribble, his durability, his control in the air, and his grace under pressure more than qualify him for all the hype he's been receiving). It wasn't the officiating (although the refs sent Wade to the line at key moments in two consecutive fourth quarters for fouls that, in one case simply did not occur, and in the second was more properly assigned to Wade himself). It wasn't Shaq vs. Nowitzki (the two hardly ever matched up against one another, Nowitzki put up solid numbers in game 6 but was slowed by the Heat's second-half zone, and Shaq scored only 9 points in the final game and had his greatest impact as the anchor of said zone rather than as an individual superstar). It wasn't even rookie coach and Coach of the Year Avery Johnson vs. slick-haired, half-windsored, won-four-with-Magic-and-Kareem-and-came-damn-close-with-Ewing Pat Riley (although the little guy never found a way to consistently beat the old man's second-half defensive scheme). For me, it came down to the Heat's role players, especially Antoine Walker and Alonzo Mourning.
Like just about everyone else, I first came to know Antoine Walker as half of a promising, but ultimately disappointing Boston Celtics backcourt. In my mind, Paul Pierce was the athletic guy who could drive to the rim, and Walker was the slightly overweight guy who threw up threes every time he touched the damn ball. Celtics fans and management came to agree with me, and twice shipped Walker elsewhere.
Tuesday night, however, brought a different Walker. Sure, he threw up six threes and missed them all, but he also (gasp) consistently made the right pass, and played like the small forward he was built to be instead of the two-guard we'd come to know him as. He had a strong inside presence, especially on the boards, and finished with 14 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists, as well as a steal and a block.
Walker's contributions were especially valuable in the third quarter when the Heat took charge of the game's tempo, curbed their tendency toward turnovers, and shut Nowitzki, Howard, and Terry out of the paint. No one was more impressive in this stretch than reserve center Alonzo Mourning, whose efforts were highlighted by several athletic and demoralizing shot blocks.
Mourning, as befit a Georgetown center, was once one of the game's dominant big men. A debilitating kidney disease, however, forced him to drastically reduce his playing time, and ultimately to "retire" from professional basketball in order to receive a kidney transplant. Healthy at last, Mourning returned to the league and the Heat, not as a star, but as a role-player, the guy that Pat Riley went to when he needed to give Shaq a rest or manage O'Neal's fouls.
Last Tuesday night, Mourning was the ultimate sixth man. In just 14 minutes, he managed 8 points, an astounding 5 blocks, and 6 rebounds (consider that Shaq had 9 points, 12 rebounds, and a single block with double the playing time). Most importantly, however, 'Zo blocked shots when his team needed them most, stopping several scoring streaks and effectively killing every Maverick attempt to regain the momentum of the first quarter.
Earlier this spring, my team, the Denver Nuggets, devolved into a very strange soap opera and was eliminated in the first round of the playoffs for the third consecutive year, so I didn't have stakes in either of the teams playing for this year's championship. By the fourth quarter on Tuesday, though, I was rooting for the Mavs. Part of it was that I was sick of the biased officiating. Part of it was hoping the series would go to seven games. Part of it was the great fast-break show the Mavs put on in the first quarter, and part of it was an undersized, ill-dribbling twenty-something feeling jealous.
After almost a year in my new city, armed only with headshots, a trade paper, a small collection of proven audition material, and an ever-growing list of contacts and colleagues, I can safely say that my "career" is advancing. Slowly. And with plenty of setbacks. Money is tight, temp jobs are boring, and most auditions are (and always will be) followed by a rejection. Watching two players like Walker and Mourning recover from seemingly mortal setbacks, evaluate their weaknesses, and find potency despite decreased visibility as role-players and champions is certainly inspiring. At the same time, watching them on Tuesday reminded me of my basketball setbacks, of a battle I lost, of a time my skills were inadequate to my ambitions, and I'd prefer not to be reminded of that right now.