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The smell of pigskin is in the autumn air.
CtJust give me one thing I can play for. EyDisco boys on bicycles. FcSo what if too many times we have been here, both
lost in our machinations... ScPoetic Retrospective WrThe Weather votes for Kelly Clarkson.
Criticism. Essay. Fiction. Science. Weather.
week: 1"Mark it 8, Dude." Get it?
Plus, fake facts are for sissies. 2The reality of the unreal
and the art of chewing. 3Getting interrogative with the Dark Continent
and ants are the Internet's idol. 4The author displays his clothes in piles on his bedroom floor. And 1,000,000 Rhode Islanders can't be wrong. 5One size counterfeits all, plus there's a run on limes and the movies don't talk good no more. 6The sweet and no-so-sweet of time travel
and the rigors of uncancellation. 7Personal Parties and Friend Finders considered 8Gamers of the world unite too much
and the new Star Wars scores. 9This week: one guaranteed way
to make yourself more famous. 10Awkward and tacky journalism in celebration of journalism. Plus, individuality now more expensive. 11There are balls in your head
and buds in your heart. 12The upsides of federal incorporation.
The downsides of shoddy adevertising. 13The first 90ways Quaterly Review begins!
1, 2, 3 pieces of Criticism! 14Not being able to look away from
bad grammar and junk material but still LMFAO. 15Spam can be fun if you don't
mind the corporate pimping. 16Some movies go Direct-To-Video.
We feel their pain. 17What the American media doesn't
want you to know about the Tour. 18Dumbing down The Honeymooners for
the preschool set; plus, pain as upper. 19It's 2005. Do you know what your
building's ecological ethic is? 20That building is whispering
ethical nothings in your ear. 21These movies will never know the warm embrace of a projector lamp. Direct-to-video reviews return! 22The English language is growing & 90ways is on the case.
Neologisms Spoken Here. 23The American frontier is back and ugly as ever:
Here comes Sheriff Privatization. 24When making a British book into a British movie, it's all about the British, no matter what galaxy you're in. 25Condi bites the big one, Apple bites Condi, or Apple just bites. Plus, all the news that's packaged poorly. 26The Second Quarterly Review cometh... 27The rap album based on [adult swim]
has already been leaked. 28The road to Blockbuster is paved with good intentions: Direct-to-Video reviews are back! 29The preschool set belongs inside the lines
and the rain belongs in It. 30They're what everyone's talking with:
Neologisms Spoken Here. 31What time is it?
It's Standard Candy Time. 32Transportation is overrated.
And underrated. 3390ways' investigators go into the field.
And are vaguely saddened. 34See it again, whether you want to or not.
Picture this, in spite of yourself. 35Old comedians don't die,
they just get taken seriously. 36Pro: It's a 90ways debate.
Con: Both sides are just so salient. 37As long as Brokeback Mountain is sold out, we'll keep giving you Direct-to-DVD Reviews... 38At least we can all agree those people who say "Happy Christmas" are insane. 39The Third Quarterly Review
is ringing out the old year! 40New words for the new year. 41False starts and happy endings.
There's value in dead-ends. 4290ways has a confession to make.
We made up our history, too. 43Bringing you the latest from the world of dissembling: 90ways inaugurates the Hoax Report. 44It ain't about the facts, ma'am.
It's about the truth. 45Oscar nominations have been handed out. Direct-to-DVD movies snubbed again. 46What are the 90 points of it all? 47Spring: new growth, redemption,
Spring Traning. 48Technological advances notwithstanding, there's a whole new kind of static over the 6 o'clock news. 49O'Reilly's on the warpath.
The Chinese are not. 50The Hoax Report returns. And Canada beats Team USA. (That last part's actually true.) 51There's a lot packed into that intro and we feel no need to approach it in an organized manner. 52It's a surprise;
that's why you should have seen it coming. 53It's our party and we'll cry if we want to. 54Now that big, gothic banner looks positively antique. Plus, who cares about which cares about baseball. 55Being proud of Junior and bored in June. 56Every time I hear that song, I see a Cornell alum hitting a home run. 57What do heroin and Christian prayer have in common? They both star in the Direct-to-DVD finale! 58The cutting room floor in the desert.
The recording studio at first base. 59Tinted contact lenses and poorly delivered jokes. Foolproof. 60If you can't make a real quick 70 mill, how else do you justify a $125 million budget? 61Landmark case of 2006:
Orchestra v. Organ. 6290ways is interested in the words here, too. 63Everything in Criticism today is not quite right. 64Sports Utility Vehicles. Sort Of.
Sports. Golf, anyway. 65It's our Second Annual First Quarterly Review! 66Behold: The return of new word reviews. 67Bringing global warming in from the cold,
one dollar at a time. 68Don't believe the zinc industry's hype. 69It's crazy on the street.
It's best-selling on the teevee. 70Still crabbing about lost CD revenue?
Time to learn to shake your new moneymaker. 71Thrown into a plane.
With snakes. 72Space and Worlds and
snakes on planes. 73One giant vehicle is for war,
the other is for one day sales. 74It's all laid out for you.
From the numbing consumerism to the noble freedom. 75Sure the natural majesty was great,
but how about that Motel 8? 76One of life's great mysteries:
An Arby's in Mountain Time. 77Fall teevee is upon us.
Maybe some of it won't suck. 7852 + 26 = 78.
One and a half years of Ways. 79The smell of pigskin is in the autumn air. 80Someone needs to speak up in the name of common sense. 81New words are all around us.
Neologisms Spoken Here. 82What Dallas is now to someone who never knew it before: The Nostalgia Watch. 83Oh. The Horror.
A special Halloween installment of The Hoax Report. 84It was awful.
WomenAndChildren awful. 85It's like Carrie, but even better.
And somehow that became a great movie. 86He's in the corner.
And he wants to help you sleep. 87Up in the air. It's a bird. It's a hot-air balloon.
It's the 90ways Hoax Report! 88Tearing through the sentimentality and the water-colored memories: It's the Nostalgia Watch. 89Of all the Anabaptists in all the world... 90It's the week we've all been waiting for. 91We're reviewing the quarter to ring in the new year. 92Ringing it in is a burden we all carry. 93Am I my brother's keeper? 94This is all true. 95Notes to Notes.
Sometimes ears taste better than pens. 96Neologisms Spoken Here.
New words created through misappropriation. 97The lies of the diamond dealers. 98Crime, punishment, and the bits in between. 99Same name.
Different albums. 100All the forensics in the world can't
turn up any evidence of character. 101What makes America great
and not so great. 102Fanboy hand-wringing. Shocking. 103Panic in the streets,
Monsignor style. 104It's our second anniversary.
Break out the cotton. 105He kills for all the right reasons. 106The World's Cheese Imagination is within our grasp... if only. 107It's never an easy choice. 108Just give me one thing I can play for.
 
This week marks the kickoff of a new feature in Criticism. Each week during the National Football League season Mr. Moncrief will provide four downs, including a look at the Giants, the Jets, and two other major storylines around the league. This week (the first for 90yards and the fourth for the NFL) 90yards has the Criticism house all to itself.
90yards, Week 4
Jonathan Moncrief
FIRST DOWN: Colts 31, Jets 28 - Mangini comes up snake eyes at "Peyton Manning" Stadium

A lot of people are second guessing Jets head coach Eric Mangini's decision to bypass a third quarter field goal in a 14-14 tie and go for it on 4th and goal at the 2. The decision to go for it isn't why they didn't score; it was a horrible rollout play call. The play had no chance of succeeding, but the thing people tend to do with football is reduce the outcome to one specific play.

Wrong. The Jets were picked by most experts to win 5 or 6 games. You have the Indianapolis Colts on the ropes after a long drive. I love how Mangini tried to win the game, and how they are responding to him. The Jets deserved a better fate.

SECOND DOWN: Patriots 38, Bengals 13 - Dillon re-Patriot-ed in the Queen City

There aren't many givens anymore in the NFL. Parity and salary caps have made the league a year-by-year proposition. But one thing is for sure: when the New England Patriots lose, bet everything you have on them to win the following week.

The last time the Patriots lost consecutive games was in the 2002 season -- four years ago! Corey Dillon, the former Bengal who was warmly received by all of Pete Rose's illegitimate kids in Cincinnati, and rookie Laurence Maroney, carved up the Cincinnati defense for 236 rushing yards in a huge Patriot triumph. So much for the Bengals being considered a legitimate Super Bowl contender...

THIRD DOWN: Ravens 16, Chargers 13 - MVP stands for "McNair" Valuable Player

He doesn't have a laser arm like Peyton Manning. He can't run with the speed of Michael Vick anymore, or his replacement in Tennessee, Vince Young. All Steve McNair does is find ways to win football games.

San Diego stood toe-to-toe with the vaunted Ravens defense, and had a 13-9 lead late in the fourth quarter. Then McNair busted out the cape and tights, and drove his new team 60 yards in 2:30, going 5-for-6 and even scrambling 12 yards, leading Baltimore to a 4-0 start. McNair just seems to find a way to get it done. Haven't seen them yet? Check 'em out next Monday night at Denver.

FOURTH DOWN: Extra points

A few quickies: start the super-hype machine as Dallas, off a crushing win in Tennessee, visits Philadelphia. Terrell Owens versus the Eagles and their fans. Just giving you all fair warning... Doesn't get any easier for the Jets as they have to travel to 2-2 Jacksonville, who is coming off a devastating OT loss in Washington. Yeah, the Jags won't be pissed off this week, huh?... Start the Troy Smith/Brady Quinn watch for Oakland and Detroit, both of whom will likely be at the top of the draft board. At least the Lions are playing hard, nearly winning in St. Louis. How do the Raiders lose at home to Cleveland? To call them awful is an insult to awful teams everywhere...

Time to punt the ball away, but I'll show up again next week -- hopefully Jeremy Shockey does, and Tara Reid, who apparently was wearing #80 for the Giants last week, doesn't....
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See More Ways
A history of electronic music. By Daniel Senter
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Analysis of China's horrid showing at the World Baseball Classic. By Joshua W. Jackson
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Music is a special art because time is an explicit ingredient. Often poetry is like that, too. And sometimes prose. Especially short prose can use time in the same way.
Music is a special art because time is an explicit ingredient. Often poetry is like that, too. And sometimes prose. Especially short prose can use time in the same way. Rollover for entire idea.

-Thought up by Ben H.

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