90ways - Criticism

It was a rainy day at the funeral home.
Dell was doing his pre-wake ritual
eating a prune and an apple
drinking a cup of coffee
reading the Miami Herald
the family would be coming soon for the viewing and a short service.
"Shayne", he said as he read the front page, "look at these airline pilots."
Turns out they were threatening to go on strike, I think it was Delta airlines.
"You know, Shayne. I was a foreman for the machinists at Eastern for thirty-five years,
I know their mentality, these pilots,
they make almost six figures and want to pull a boner like this."
Dell wiped his large eyeglasses with a Kleenex and continued
"Let me tell you something, Shayne, these pilots are nothing but
glorified bus drivers."
I snickered.
"Glorified bus drivers."
The old man had a point,
despite my empathy for worker's rights and unions.
I have little sympathy for pilots,
seeing them in the airports
rock stars in their own minds
a swagger in their step
even most cops or firemen don't act that prima donna or cocky
not to mention the hat
yea, the kind that the piano player from the Captain & Tenille wears.
Okay, that guy wears a maritime hat
but close enough.
"Well, Shayne, let's hope these pilots don't ruin it for everyone else."
Yes, my friend
let's just hope they settle it
and get back to flying
the goddamn bus.

Transporter 2 finally opens in the United Kingdom on November 25. Much to Mr. Winstanley's relief.

For an Englishman, a few days of leisure in the magnificent city of New York are a great thing. Exploring and getting reacquainted with NYC is a decadent pleasure after suffering the dreary spluttering of a fading English summer. Naturally, at the end of my last vacation, when the time came to depart from the clamorous and labyrinthine playground that is New York City, I was struck by an annoying pang of regret.

This was not chagrin at leaving one of my favorite cities. To my shame (and as no detriment to New York), my feelings were a result of my inability to go to the movies that evening for the opening of Transporter 2. This film, starring that slab of Englishness Jason Statham, was denied me at the last minute. I was forced to postpone my enjoyment of this eagerly awaited picture.

This sounds extraordinarily lame. But when I first saw the trailer for this movie on MTV soon after my arrival in New York, I was swept up in a moment of juvenile, movie-loving joy. I loved the first movie: I will admit that now. I have been singing the praises of The Transporter to all who would listen, and to some who wouldn't. So, with a new sequel to indulge in, I was terrifically excited. That was until I saw the release date. September 2nd. Too late. I had to return to England unfulfilled and wait for the UK release date, whenever that may be.

My despondency arose from the fact that, for the duration of the trailer, I had felt like a child again. I had experienced that rush of anticipation when a preview materializes out of the gloom of the movie theater announcing a long-awaited sequel or the return of a much loved character franchise. Growing up in the heyday of Roger Moore's Bond and the glory that was the Indiana Jones series, for me the Trailer was King. Even today, if I miss the trailers I feel that some of my movie ticket has been wasted.

Trailers are mini-bites of the sumptuous meal to come. Sometimes, the main course is not to your palate and you can avoid it. But, if you like the taste the trailer gives you, you can gorge yourself on the full main course of the movie when it is finally served up.

But, concerning Transporter 2: Why was someone who considers himself something of a more serious film fan with tastes that extend from classic Hollywood Noir to European New Wave and Asian Extreme via Kurosawa and Kitano, so excited about a cheesy action flick sequel?

Simple: The first time I saw The Transporter I was, for the first time in what seemed like ages, transported away into a film (if you'll forgive the pun). I submitted totally to its perfect escapism. I forgot today's prevalent Art-house mentality and the sneering that goes on against action flicks. I enjoyed the film far beyond my expectatoins. It is a pithy, witty little action movie that cooks up a delicious success with varied tasty film ingredients.

The film's combined elements won me over from the start. Its producer and co-writer was Luc Besson (of Leon/The Professional and La Femme Nikita), and it was directed by Hong Kong action supremo Cory Yuen (who directed the Paris-based, Besson-penned Kiss of the Dragon). It was shot in the gorgeous, hazy, and sparkling South of France and starred the burly, muscular, and physically believable English actor Jason Statham.

Statham, playing ex-Special Forces mercenary Frank Martin is thoroughly convincing as a tough, high-kicking action star. Apparently he was a champion kick-boxer before becoming an actor. It shows. Built like a brick out-house, you definitely would not want to spill his drink in a bar.

I have seen The Transporter five times. More by accident than design. It appears on TV, I watch for a few minutes, and I can't tear yourself away. It's very much like a Bond film in that respect. We've all seen them. We've all come in half way through, known what happens, and watch anyway. Movies like this are pure eye candy; high-octane yet dry-humored fun with a martial-arts pedigree and a twist of effortless French style and glamour.

And now, with the sequel out in America and apparently the number-one movie when it arrived, it seems that Transporter 2 is getting the interest I think it deserves. Despite my awareness that I shouldn't be quite so keen on this foolish movie, I want to surrender to this powerful guilty pleasure. I crave to be transported away on another implausible, ridiculous and violent escapade. To Hell with art-house. I will love the film once I finally get to see it.

I will just have to think back to the trailers I saw in my hotel room until, finally, the preview appears out of the blank emptiness of the movie screen in London to promise me Transporter 2 is about to be released in the UK. A little electric thrill of childish glee may run through me and I will know that I will see Transporter 2 soon enough.